THAT'S A LIE

Shakespeare, the greatest poet and scripter ever to grace the green green grass of our native England.

That is also a lie.

I am the greatest poet and scripter ever to walk the entire EARTH.
All you Shakespeare fans will soon come crawling when I release my first play. It will be called "Wallace and Gromit in: The Curse of't' Were-Rabbiteth"
Problem? No, that's what Shakespeare did. He stole other people's plays, and added a couple of "eth"s and "t'"s in there, then suddenly BAM he's the greatest guy alive. According to some misinformed people anyway.

I have a few good reasons why Shakespeare sucks.
1. Shakespeare never wrote his own plays
2. Shakespeare has never appeared on the news, everyone great and famous has been on the news. Even Prince Charles.
3. Shakespeare is dead.
4. Shakespeare made up his own (rubbish) words. My words actually will catch on.
5. Shakespeare was a gerfunkist.
6. Shakespeare doesn't make sense. At all. I mean, he makes his characters say stupid things, when he could just make them SHUT THE HELL UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE. Seriously, he makes them SAY what's happening on the stage, as though the audience are blind or something. Honestly Shakespeare, I'd rather watch your plays than listen to the drivel.

Which brings me smoothly to my next point: Shut up.