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Everything is THE perfect Christmas gift, this Christmas.
Christmas. Chri- SHUT UP
Why does everyone just keep repeating the word "Christmas"?
Ever noticed that how, at Christmas time, loads of rubbish gifts appear? I mean, today, I saw a book detailing a history of a small, insignificant town. This book is priced at the "very special price" of £9.99, and the RRP is £19.99. So, that's a £10 reduction, which just shows how crap the book is, they're trying to give it away and still failing. Anyway, this book is being marketed as "the perfect gift this christmas". Come on, who wants to read about the history of a town which has no exciting background what-so-ever. The book looks mainly to be made up of pictures. I mean, you could go to that town today, and it will be exactly the same as in the pictures, but with people in old-style clothes walking around tapping walking sticks up children's assholes. Seriously, all old people are peaodophiles.
I also noticed that you can win 5 days at David Beckham's new football academy, this too, is the "perfect gift this Christmas". Why you would want to spend 5 days with a blundering idiot who can't string a sentence together I don't know, and why you would elect one as the President of your country... well.
Obviously this Christmas is going to be a rubbish one, if lame attempts at gifts are "perfect", it follows through that this Christmas will be lame. So, in an attempt to un-lameify Christmas, We're going to offer "the perfect gift". You can get a t-shirt, with our faces on it, for only £25. Damn that's a good deal. Why wouldn't you want our faces on your chest, or breasts? So that's our plan to make Christmas shibby once more. If you want a shirt, email us. Bittermen@googlemail.com
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